'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
