I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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