My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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