Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
too bad you live with your parents still
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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