i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My orgasm happened in two different decades
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
