Define "chronic" masturbator.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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