Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
