The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
