We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
