Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
