Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
