May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
3 2 1 whiskey
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
