Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
