At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
