I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
