I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
