please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
