we're chasing vodka with high fives
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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