I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize