I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
