It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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