my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
