She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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