This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
