I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
pray to the hookup gods
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
