It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
