Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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