I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize