Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
