I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
