Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
