I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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