I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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