Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My cat gives me a boner
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
