And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
