Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
