I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
