Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
