i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
