I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
