I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
