My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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