Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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