I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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