Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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