I heard we made out
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
