I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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