i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wear drunk well.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
