Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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