I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
