I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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