i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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