420 ftw
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize