Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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