11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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