I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
