i may or may not be watching the land before time
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
