My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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