I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
