you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
