Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
