in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
