Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
