I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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