a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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