I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
