3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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