It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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