how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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