I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
