from now on my penis is your penis
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
